Once again, we are confronting balance. This time we want to talk about one of our society’s most important goods — money. Money is often associated with being ugly, fake, and disruptive, but it plays a central role in our lives. Yet many people struggle with handling it in a healthy way. Either one is addictively spending too much on useless stuff and ends up never having money, or one struggles with spending money at all and lives with a deep and stressful fear of losing everything.
Remember, we are trying to encourage you to use your money responsibly as it’s such a crucial part of our everyday life (whether we want it to be or not). Nonetheless, we are not trying to categorize you. This is solely intended to help if you feel unwell about your behavior and want to change it. Please keep that in mind.
Spending Too Much Money:
If you think of an addiction to spending money, the first thing that comes to most people’s minds is probably a woman’s shopping addiction. Well, this one is very common, sometimes romanticized and downplayed by social media, yet it is one that leaves victims with feelings of shame, fear, and guilt.
But clothes shopping isn’t the only way an addiction to spending money can manifest. One might buy every new gadget they see on the internet, someone else might be obsessed with decorations, and the next person continuously buys skincare products.
Addictive money-spending behavior overall describes one’s desire to spend money even though they don’t really need what they’re buying. We all make bad purchases now and then, but it’s time to work on your behavior when the previously mentioned negative feelings occur.
Just know, you are not alone; there are others feeling just like you. Also, remember that this behavior often isn’t purely caused by low self-control. In many cases, deeper issues that cause negative feelings are subconsciously tamed by the temporary joy of receiving something new—shopping can act like a drug. So don’t just blame it on lacking discipline, but try to find the actual cause of your addiction.
Spending No Money (on Yourself):
Some might generally have a problem with spending money and prefer to save, even though they have plenty of it. Others might only spend money on those around them, like friends or family. Both cases damage your mental health.
Most often, this behavior is caused by feelings of worthlessness and deeper issues. Money is important, yes, but it is also made to be used.
I am not talking about having second thoughts when buying something, nor am I trying to convince you to stop spending money on others. Inviting a friend out or even donating money are both great ways (in my opinion) to spend your money. It’s also important to think twice before buying something, especially when talking about larger amounts of money. Who are we talking about then?
We are referring to individuals who constantly hesitate to buy something for their own good, for their own pleasure, even though they desperately want it. Yes, you—I see you. We are talking about saving when it’s not necessary, maybe even saving in essential areas when there’s no need—saving to the point of inflicting damage on one’s mental health and overall quality of life. Saving to the point of missing out, to the point of feeling depressed because of lacking experiences and the joy of spending money on oneself.
Money is made for living. This does not only refer to the essential aspects of life like food, water, and sleep, but to experiences, memories, pleasure, and fun as well (Remember “Perfection at Its Lowest: Life”? – Existing or Living?). You are worthy, you deserve a treat, and you deserve to spoil yourself from time to time.
We conform to society and work in our jobs or perform our duties. We do all that to earn money, so we can buy the things we want. What are you working for, getting up for every day if not to treat yourself now and then?
Being able to spend money is a privilege. Instead of being afraid, be grateful and use it on yourself as well — that’s what money is for in the end. Other than that, to be honest, that stuff is only paper, nothing more.
Defining What to Spend Money On:
Defining what to spend money on and what not to is a very personal discussion. Nonetheless, besides always buying the necessities (yes, go get some new shoes and stop walking around in your Air Force Ones that are falling apart), these are my personal main pillars for managing the way I use money:
- It is always responsible to have a little bit of a backup. This can, for example, be saving for a crisis, an emergency, or just an unforeseen event. As we’ve discussed in “Changes,” life can sometimes take unexpected turns. These can be disruptive and scary, and having a little cushion can provide at least some sort of safety during those times. (Alert: it does not necessarily need to be a 10-year apocalypse you save for.)
- This is one rule we used to live by in my family: don’t save money on food. Food is not just essential for us to live, but can also be a pleasure and a source of bonding and building memories with family and friends. My father told me (and we used to be a poor family): as long as we can afford it, if you want to eat something, do it. Of course, you shouldn’t go bankrupt for food, but I imagine that to be self-explanatory. Food is the key to one’s soul, which is why treating yourself with it instead of limiting yourself will enhance your life’s quality by a lot.
- Spend money on what fills you with joy. Money is just a middleman, just a stop between me and something else, just a good, just a resource — whatever you want. With money itself, you can do nothing but give it away to receive something else. So, to me, the most effective way of using money is by getting the most out of what I get in return. For me personally, this includes something I feel happy about, something I enjoy or use for a long time.
- Spending money on experiences and memories is probably my favorite. I’ve said it often enough: experience is a valuable resource. Spend money on that tour, on that trip, on that activity. Many people tend to save easily in this aspect, but if you honestly think about it, this is money you’ve spent on something that will accompany you for a lifetime. For me, this is something I’m proud of afterward, something I’ll talk about for weeks, and something I’ll remember with a smile on my face for the rest of my life.
Whether you want to save or want to spend, here are some tips to fight extreme behaviour towards money:
For Saving:
- Evaluate the use and necessity of what you’re about to buy. Do you really need it? When will you use it?
- Use cash; it hurts more.
- Keep your receipts and monthly keep track of what you’ve earned versus what you’ve spent. This way, you’ll have a better overview and learn to manage your savings more responsibly.
- Use second-hand apps, e.g., Depop or Vinted, and sell off bad purchases. This way, someone else might enjoy and use them.
- We’ve mentioned that this addiction can, in some cases, be caused by deeper issues. Try to identify them. You can also seek help — this is nothing to be ashamed of!
For Spending:
- Evaluate the value—would you regret not spending? Is that experience worth it?
- When struggling with buying essentials as well (like shoes, food, different utensils, etc.), become clear and learn about their actual biological health value. Shoes are important as your feet hold your whole body, food is your motor, and high-quality utensils often last longer, which ultimately results in spending less money.
- Create a memory book or photo album to remind you of the importance of using money to live life as well.
- Remind yourself that it is okay to spend money. Maybe write a text you can reread or talk to someone you trust when feeling unwell about spending money on something you want.
- This extreme can just as well be caused by deeper issues. Once again, try to identify the reason you’re hesitating. Do you maybe even dislike it when someone spends money on you? You too can seek help — this is nothing to be ashamed of!
My personal definition of what is useful and what is not is simple: anything that provides experience or joy for a long time is a good investment of your money. This also indicates that not everyone will consent and agree on the same things as useful and necessary.
Let me give you a little story at the end:
A friend of mine loves these little anime sculptures. Someone else said that these are a waste of money: “They’re simply standing around in your room, doing nothing but getting dusty.” While this is true for him, my friend, in comparison, admires them multiple times a day and feels joy when just looking at them. So yes, they’re just standing around, but no, they’re not getting dusty, and she feels happiness whenever she sees them. Just this little detail is enough to make her smile every day — does that sound like a waste of money to you?
Remember not to overthink what is useful and what is not. This is a personal discussion, something you need to find out and feel for yourself. Be responsible — and I mean responsible towards yourself — so this includes saving and spending, this includes balance.
Learn to see money as what it is: colorful paper with pictures and a mark—a mark that is the only thing separating it from Monopoly money.