What if?
A simple question yet pretty clear indicator of fear. But what do we fear?
Is it failure? Is it judgement? Is it success? The future or the past? All of them?
In a sense one could say that todays topic resembles all of the above and more. Most of us fear to make mistakes which result in unwanted consequences.
Mistakes are often seen as a form of failure. We’ve talked a little about failing before here on WithinProgress (Read about it >>here<<), but the fear of or difficulties with making and accepting mistakes influences us even prior to experiencing failure. This is the reason I wanted to discuss mistakes separately today as well.
What sets mistakes and failure apart are their focus. When you fear making mistakes you are afraid of the journey, not necessarily focusing on the outcome. With failure, you might be fine with making mistakes along the way but your fear is directed towards the uncertainty whether you’re efforts will pay off.
Of course the fear of failure and the fear of mistakes can occur simultaneously, but they’re not the same.
One similarity lies in the fact that mistakes, just as failure, are an essential part of self-improvement. I can promise with certainty that every successful person has made mistakes – the important aspect is these individuals reaction to their errors. The fear of making mistakes can be more limiting than the mistakes in discussion.
But, what exactly do we fear about mistakes besides failure? Let’s have a closer look at that now.
What Do We Fear About Mistakes?
The difficulty about mistakes is that they can have a variety of consequences and influence other factors which represent fears themselves. Let‘s take a look at them together:
1. Failure
As we’ve said before failure isn’t the only fear occurring in combination with mistakes, but it certainly is an important one.
Many fear that possible mistakes will ruin their progress or hinder their own or a group’s success.
2. Judgement
Other‘s opinions are a crucial factor when talking about fearing mistakes. Will they laugh about me? Will they think I‘m stupid? Am I the only one not knowing that?
By making mistakes you expose yourself, you show that you don’t know the answer – this can be frightening. Just as well though, exposing yourself shows you are willing to learn how to do something the right way.
3. Rejection
Another fear closely linked to the judgement of others is rejection. Just as with judgement, group dynamics tend to strengthen the fear of making mistakes. This occurs especially when the consequences of one’s actions influence everyone or multiple people in the group.
Therefore, many avoid taking risks because they are scared of the possible outcomes considering the group.
4. Perfectionism
Individuals struggling with a perfectionism mentality often develop deeply rooted fears of mistakes. In the end, mistakes aren’t perfect – they don’t fit the frame.
I struggled with fearing to make mistakes whenever I was in school. I would never say something because I wanted to appear perfect and thought mistakes would make me seem stupid and lacking.
They don’t. Trust me, I gained nothing from that. Don’t let perfectionism take away the opportunity to experience success from mistakes.
5. Consequences
Every mistake has a different consequence. A few mistakes do have catastrophic effects, but most of them don’t. We often exaggerate what will happen, we often loose the ability to objectively analyse the situation once we make a mistake.
Haven’t we all experienced it before, you make a mistake and suddenly the whole world seems like it’s burning down. Well, here’s a little reality check: it’s not.
There is a solution for every problem. And nearly every mistake can be easily fixed, the others need a bit more work but can be solved as well.
6. Expectations
The fear of not being good enough, not even being capable of accomplishing the given task and therefore counting on mistakes. Being afraid of ”not meeting the expectations“ happens rather fast nowadays. In todays social media world the standard is high.
Don’t let this fool nor stop you from going your way, trying and making mistakes.
How to Overcome the Fear of Mistake
Failure – Scientist Mindset
Reframe mistakes as data, not failure. Experiment, analyse, adjust, improve – use trial and error to find the most optimal solutions. This raises self-awareness and helps you to identify what works for you, and what doesn’t.
Remember, inaction is the biggest failure. Mistakes are proof of effort and lead to development.
Judgement – Resilience
Build resilience by getting to know yourself, your abilities, your strengths and your weaknesses. This will help you to determine whether other‘s opinions are constructive and represent the truth.
Rejection – Exposure Therapy
Take small risks at a time. Small mistakes won’t lead to rejection, in fact small mistakes probably won’t even cause problems. Understand that true friends, truly supportive individuals will try to work on finding solution with you. You should obviously still consider risks and talk to others before taking them on in case they could have serious consequences for them.
Please remember that many people aren’t able to handle mistakes calmly, this doesn’t always has something to do with you personally but rather with them being overwhelmed.
Perfectionism – Perspective-Shift
Instead of focusing on perfection, focus on your journey, focus on the process, focus on learning something new by exploring various routes.
Perfectionism implies that there is only one correct way – that won’t be the case for most things. Just as well, this seemingly perfect way might not actually be perfect.
What even is perfect? What you perceive as being perfect, could be hell for someone else. Don’t let the mirage of perfection tarnish your journey and narrow down your vision.
By focusing on learning you’ll gain experience and knowledge – humanities most powerful resources.
Expectations – Self-Compassion
You are good enough! If you give it your best, that’s more than enough.
Practice self-compassion by being kind to yourself. Try positive self-talk and engage yourself to try on something new, whether you make mistakes or not. Understand that mistakes don’t define you as an individual. They simply show that this is an area with learning potential – and that is nothing bad.
In the end, we all need to learn before we are able to do something. Even the brightest minds started with knowing nothing. You can learn whatever you set your mind to, but you’ll need to accept mistakes along the way to perfect your techniques.
The last fear we included in this post was consequences. This one is a bit broader and can describe different areas in life. So let’s look at the fear of consequences:
Facing Consequences of Mistakes
1. Money
Financial losses are one of the biggest factor in fearing consequences. No wonder as money determines most things in our life.
Even though you shouldn’t act thoughtlessly, never taking risks when considering money will not take you any further. Money is a means to allow us to live life, it’s only purpose is to be spend for more experiences; because experiences stay for a lifetime.
2. Reputation
Developing a damaged reputation by appearing dumb or under-qualified because of a mistake? Trust me, many people forget faster than you think. And honestly, if they don’t, instead of loosing yourself in fear and shame build something new to be known for.
Work hard to create an image your proud of.
3. Emotional
Mistakes can stir up our emotions. All of the talked about fears, shame, guilt, and many more – hardships don’t spare negativity.
Even though these times will be difficult, if you overcome this emotional distress once, there is nothing capable of stopping you any more. Understand that mistakes are only natural and learning from them allows for building emotional intelligence.
4. Opportunities
Many fear that mistakes causes them to loose opportunities. One wrong decision, one wrong move, and everything you’ve worked for is gone.
What is truly wrong? Good? Bad? Right? Who defines that?
Every closing door leads to another one opening up. Not knowing what the future brings can be scary but it holds a lot of potential as well.
Yes, a mistake can cost you an opportunity; but it is capable of creating new ones as well.
5. Relationships
Being a disappointment or harming others as a result of making mistakes is another fuel for fear.
We’ve all made mistakes – we’ve all spoken without thinking about it before, we’ve all accidentally broke the belonging of someone before, we’ve all forgot to do chores before, and the list goes on.
The other person will be mad, for sure, but for how long? Of course some mistakes more serious than others, nonetheless open and honest communication can ultimately rebuild trust and allows you to grow closer together by overcoming differences.
6. Profession
Getting into a new work environment can be quite overwhelming. It seems as if you’re lacking in every skill possible, everything you do is wrong and you feel like a burden to everyone.
Give yourself time to learn and adjust when confronted with something new.
Rather than trying to be as fast as colleagues with years of experience, focus on thoroughly working through your task and understanding what you’re doing.
Skills improve over time; don’t compare yourself to others who are at a completely different level than you. Be patient and acknowledge every step you take forwards.
Success and mistakes aren’t opposites. Mistakes are essential for growth, insights, development, invention, improvement and innovation. Don’t you want these in your life as well?
We all make mistakes, truly every single one of us. Success, in truly any area of life, isn‘t determined by avoiding them, but by the way you utilise and react to mistakes.
Now take a moment and think about it. You’ve probably made a mistake before which led you to learn and grow as an individual – however small or big this mistake might have been. Tell me about it!