Hello.
I’ve been gone for some weeks now. During this time I had some trouble, some things I needed to find out and understand for myself. I’m still in that process. As you know, self-improvement never ends, the same applies for me. Here on WithinProgress I’m sharing my experiences, what I’ve observed and learned, with you.
I don’t know whether I’ll be able to share a lot today, or if it’ll only be a little, but I want to take you with me. I want to show you a slice of my thought process when dealing with difficulties or challenges. A little insight into my journey in balancing obsession, focus, freedom, priorities, exploration and drive:
‘Born to explore, forced to decide’
That’s what I’ve been feeling lately. Well, I know I’m not a philosopher for saying that, but it’s my best attempt at trying to describe my state of being.
I’ve always been someone who loved to try out new things and learn as much as possible. I try to see the potential and use in anything that crosses my way. But most often, that’s not what this world is built for.
Creativity, freedom and exploration are not wanted in most societal areas. With the rise of social media platforms, perfectionism and unrealistic and conform standards have reached their peak. This world is built to pressure.
Pressure us into a category, pressure us into an ideal, pressure us to decide which way to take and what methods to use. Losing your sense of self and your trust in your abilities is nearly inevitable. We fall into imbalance.
When I first thought about all of this, about how I felt trapped and lost, I tried to escape that reality. I wanted to let lose, do what I want to do, focus on only me – and so I did.
I started learning to play the guitar, besides kickboxing I tried out taekwondo and ballet, I engaged in painting, dancing and craftsmanship again, I started photography – all besides my studies.
This did only go well for a short time. I was doing better, I thought this was the right way, but life thought otherwise. I felt so restricted in my way of living before, that I completely overdid it when I tried to escape. It wasn’t long until I was overwhelmed, unable to keep up with the mass of things I wanted to accomplish. The result of that? I felt even worse.
At that time, instead of having one thing to focus on, I was left with 15 unaccomplished projects, unable to actually execute any single one of them at a good level. I even failed one of my exams. And all because I thought I had to master everything else in order to be ‘allowed’ time off of my studies – because I thought this was who I had to be.
I started standing still. From one extreme to the other, nothing, not a single project worked out and it felt as thought I was being followed by misfortune.
My millions of hobbies and tries to improve my situation led to me isolating myself more from my loved ones. I felt alone, I felt lost.
I lost all understanding of what it was that I truly wanted to do. Why did I even start all this? What was my goal? I forgot. If I had to describe this feeling, I’d say I was running towards a goal, at full speed, in a blank landscape.
I started to obsess over something I couldn’t even describe, I started to push and pressure myself into a direction which’s destination I didn’t even knew – and this is no fun.
Well, I’m back today, so there must be some improvement, right? Yes, that’s right. And I think it is important that I share that with you, because I’m surely not the only one feeling this way. Here is what I’ve learned (it is simple).
If you ever experience what I did – being lost, while trying to be someone you’re not – remember this:
Focus on one thing at a time.
Don’t overwhelm yourself, don’t pressure yourself. There is truly no need to. Tackle life at your own speed, at your own pace, in your own way.
Trying to follow too many ideas does nothing but destroy you. Don’t force yourself to do anything because that is ‘the right way’ to do it or to become the best version of yourself – there is no universally ‘right’ way!
Prioritise what you like and dislike. Prioritise what you approve of and what you don’t. Prioritise your interests and curiosity. Your feelings, opinions and thoughts are worthy of being defended, they matter.
Self–improvement is not linked to any global ideal. Self-improvement is not waking up at 3 am, journaling and going to the gym. Self-improvement is not restricting yourself to only eat healthy foods. Self-improvement is not financial success.
Improving by restricting does not result in feeling free and happy (at least not for me).
Self–improvement is your definition of happiness.
For me, self-improvement is about finding freedom. I allow myself to explore and experience. I allow myself to rest and do nothing. I allow myself to be curios and make dump decisions sometimes.
What I want to tell you is to listen to yourself, and only yourself. You are here, reading this post about self-improvement, for yourself, your own life.
There will always be a way to disregard your accomplishments, criticise the way you’ve spend your time or the decisions you’ve made. Free yourself from negativity and focus on the future. Focus on solutions, focus on the positive aspects, focus on warmth. This is what will bring you happiness.
To be honest, there is so much I want to say to you right now. I’m not even sure this post makes a lot of sense structure wise, but I hope me sharing my feelings will show you, that you’re not alone in this.
I want you to know, that this page is a safe space. Feel free to contact me if you want to.
I see you. I believe in you. I am here for you.