Groups and their dynamics can have a huge impact on our own behaviour. Influence exerted to encourage us to conform, conform to attitudes or values we might not agree with otherwise. Today we’re talking about the phenomena of peer pressure.
First let’s look at some important components connected to peer pressure:
Important Aspects and Difficulties
Direct vs. Indirect Pressure:
Pressure exerted by a group can be direct or indirect. Direct pressure is used when explicit demands are made, indirect pressure can arise from subtle cues to conform, rejection of non-conformity, low self-esteem, or self-directed pressure.
Emotional Triggers:
Another key aspect to the development of peer pressure are emotional triggers. Fear of being rejected as mentioned before, the desire for approval often arising from negative past experiences, or a need for belonging. These feelings make it especially difficult to resist peer pressure.
Conformity vs. Authenticity:
As humans we don’t want to be alone, we aren’t meant to be. Even if many prefer to spend time on their own, no one enjoys feeling alone or left behind. That’s why many of us, especially when we’re young, try to fit in and therefore often become victims to peer pressure. This, over time, creates tension within – tension between trying to fit in and staying true to oneself.
Digital Peer Pressure:
Nowadays digital peer pressure marks another important element. Social media has an undeniable impact on the way we perceive the world around us and ourselves. Likes, trends, influencers, all amplifying conformity by setting ideals. Just stop for a moment the next time you’re on social media, do you recognise it? Everyone starts to look the same.
Emotional Aftermath:
Lastly, we need to address the emotional aftermath of dealing with peer pressure. The previously addressed fears of rejection is often not to far from reality when non-conforming with a group. Isolation can definitely be a result of staying true to yourself. Overcoming peer pressure requires a extreme emotional resilience and at some point, you will be able to form new, suitable social connections which genuinely make you happy.
If you’ve read multiple of our posts you know that there’s no thing solely bad nor good in this world. So what positive aspects might lie hidden in peer pressure, and what exactly are the occurring dangers? Here is a short overview for you:
Positive Aspects:
Whereas I do believe there is something good in everything, there are certainly things leaning towards the more positive side, and ones with more negative aspects. Peer pressure is definitely rather part of the second group, but, here are some positive aspects you can utilise when confronted with peer pressure:
Encouragement to try something new:
We all have experienced at least one moment in life where a group of your friends tried something and it somehow pressured, or if you want, motivated you to tag along. Sometimes it turns out to be a fail, but sometimes you collect experiences you would have missed out on your own.
Achieve goals or maintain healthy habits:
Whether creating a study, fitness, or any other group, the pressure executed by a group trying to reach the same goal can be a great source of motivation to help you stay on track.
Competition:
A group can create competition, which can be another source of motivation and even confidence.
Dangers:
Now, lets look at the other side of peer pressure, the one weighing way more – let’s look at the dangers of peer pressure:
Loss of individuality and authenticity:
Following what someone else tells you to, or what a group does, can lead to one loosing themselves, their individuality and authenticity. In the long run this will cause a lot of problems. Stop being a copy.
Compromising personal values and morals:
When a group decides, personal values, morals, and beliefs can be compromised which results in self-directed conflicts and feelings of guilt.
Increased anxiety, stress, and self-doubt:
Connected to the previous aspects, overall confidence and self-worth are negatively impact and one misses the opportunity to build a strong foundation for life – a strong self.
Engagement in harmful behaviors:
Peer pressure becomes especially dangerous when the subject of pressure evolves around something which is potentially harmful. For example, when I was younger, the peer pressure I was confronted with evolved around starting to smoke and missing school to be cool. Please look out for yourself and listen to your common sense. It most often won’t stop there – things such as substance abuse or risky actions become more likely with every action you agree on going along.
Long-term regret from decisions made under pressure:
Over time, this behaviour will result in regrets, regret towards the decisions you made while under pressure. These feelings can occur as a form of hate towards oneself which is something difficult to overcome.
Loss of critical thinking skills:
At some point many individuals start to turn a blind eye to their wrongs and stop thinking about what they do, all to underpress the previously mentioned negative feelings. Others quite literally get used to someone else deciding for them and don’t question their actions anymore either.
How to Realize You Are Being Influenced by Peer Pressure
Before knowing how to escape the dangerous cycle of peer pressure you need to realise you are influenced by it. Peer pressure is usually not a concious decision one makes but rather something which happens unconsciously due to the previously stated feelings and fears. Understanding you’ve become a victim to peer pressure is the first step and here’s what to look out for:
Approval:
Do you constantly feel the need to fit in, gain approval? Do you fear not being a part of a group, or do you feel stressed when knowing their doing something without you? (Because you didn’t have time for example)
Compromising:
Do you often catch yourself compromising on your beliefs, values, and morals to (and that is the important part) avoid conflict or due to a fear of being excluded when speaking your mind. We all have to compromise in life, but the reason we do so is the crucial part.
Decisions:
What is your main criteria when deciding. Really think about that and be honest with yourself. The last decision you’ve made, did you do what you wanted, or did you thought about what others might think of or expect from your decision.
Guilt:
Are the actions you execute with or because of a group often followed or paired by guilt, discomfort, or regret?
Fear:
Do you notice fears regarding judgement, speaking your mind, rejection, or even extreme reactions (panic attacks, anxiety, uncontrolled crying) when someone’s getting mad at you?
Self-Esteem:
Do you experience internal conflicts regarding your actions? Do you experience a lot of negative emotions towards yourself? Do you feel like you hate yourself?
Trends:
Do you follow trends you normally wouldn’t, or at least wouldn’t be interested in? These don’t have to be extreme, it could simply be buying clothes you don’t particularly like or eating food at a restaurant even though you don’t enjoy the taste of it that much.
Tips on How to Escape Negative Peer Pressure
Now that we’ve found out whether or not peer pressure plays a role in your life, don’t worry, we obviously won’t stop here. It’s time to take action! Here is how to escape the cycle of negative peer pressure:
Self-Awareness:
Reflecting will play a big role when escaping peer pressure. You’ll need to understand which of your actions arise from your own will and which ones are forced upon you. Define your values, beliefs, and boundaries and build a strong foundation to guide future decisions.
Assertiveness:
No. A small word with only two letters, nonetheless it can be one of the hardest things to say. Learning to say no without guilt, confidently and clearly, is a big factor in overcoming peer pressure and in self-improvement. Saying no sets boundaries, a very important aspect.
You’ll see, if you express your opinion assertively, communicate clearly and use confident body language, the pressure executed by a group suddenly seems measly.
Choose Your Circle Wisely:
Now, realising a friend group is toxic and executes bad influence can be a hard one. ‚Just cut them off‘, is easier said than done. These groups often build over the course of years, and even though they might be the cause for many bad experiences and negative feelings, there have been positive times as well.Try to build new connections, search for like-minded, supportive people. It is hard to break off connections which were build over time, but please think of the negative impact they had on you. Realise that distancing yourself from something which is causing you harm is not bad, you don’t need to feel guilty, you don’t need to feel bad!
This is an act of caring for yourself, preserving your energy, an act of self-love.
This takes time and resilience, but I believe in you!
Prepare for Scenarios:
Most often, just cutting someone off from one day to the next one is simply not possible as many groups are formed in our natural environment. If you’ve realised some situations in which you feel pressured, try to prepare yourself for them. Think of responses for common pressures, and think of ways to remind you not to fall for peer pressure again.Facing these situations can be very helpful, motivating and freeing when overcoming peer pressure. Nonetheless, if you’re still scared, there is no need to now pressure yourself to deal with these situations right ahead. Give yourself time and gradually build the confidence to face pressuring situations during your journey.
Focus on Long-Term Goals:
Think of yourself. Ultimately, you are trying to escape for yourself. I’ve said before that many problems occur after a long time has passed. When making decisions, ask yourself whether this decision aligns with your future goals, the path you want to take your life towards. Prioritise yourself, your growth, your satisfaction, your life over fleeting, momentary approval.Seek Support:
Family, a trusted friend, a mentor, a counselor, a therapist, a teacher, whoever it is, seek support to overcome times of isolation, the times turning being alone into feeling alone.I’ve struggled with trying to conform, trying to fit in, for the most part of my life. I thought I’d never be able to be myself around others, that I’d never find friends who value me for who I am. And what can I tell you is that I was wrong.
It takes time and patience, but you’ll find them eventually, the people which genuinely want to see you being happy and authentic.
Role of Education:
As many problems occur during childhood, our early years play a crucial role when talking about preventing suffering from peer pressure later on. Teach assertiveness and critical thinking skills from a young age, provide a stable and supportive environment as a safe place to return to.Peer pressure does not have to fully develop to be dangerous.
This is a difficult task, for sure. But I truly believe in you! Look at all the benefits this journey will bring you:
• Personal Growth, individuality and authenticity, resilience, and inner strength.
• Increased Confidence, self-esteem, liberation, and healthier relationships.• Increased emotional well-being by reduced stress, guilt, and anxiety caused by conformity.
• Empowerment, control over your choices, and pride.