Christmas is around the corner, a new year is approaching, streets are lit up, and everything is full of love. The time of the year we spend with our loved ones, friends, and family. But, if one is alone during that time, it can feel especially lonely.
So, what better topic is there for today than: friendship.
You might think you are alone, but in reality, many people struggle with finding new friends, sometimes even individuals you wouldn’t expect to.
To me personally, friendships and friend groups have and do still play a significant role in my journey. So, let me once again share my experiences with you:
For a big part of my life I was alone, or at least that’s what I felt like. I had friends now and then, but from my perspective, they left me one after the other as time passed. After losing multiple friends I believed to be alone forever, I started believing that there was something wrong with me.
That’s when I decided to stay alone. I had a friend who was sometimes referred to as my best friend, but I didn’t trust them. I didn’t trust them to not leave as the others. A friendship without trust is dreadful. I was walking on eggshells as I thought every mistake would finally give them the reason to leave.
Years passed, and I learned to live with being alone. But, every now and then, I found myself envious of those with a friend group. The kind of group that always meets up, the kind of group where it’s a given that you’ll come to any meeting; deep down, I desperately wished for something like that. I wished for this feeling of belonging, even though I believed that something like that is not possible for me in this life.
During that time, I was sure I’m socially awkward and weird in groups.
As I got further in my self-development journey, I wanted to give friendships a new try. I realised the fears I developed based on losing the people I loved. But, even though I decided to pursue friendships once again, it didn’t take me long to realize that I had no idea where to start. I knew the people at school, and other than that? What was I supposed to do? Just go up to random people on the street, and ask: ‘Hey, do you wanna be my friend?’ at 18 years old?
Trust me when I tell you that simply deciding I want to make friends again was not enough in that situation, neither was that a problem which was easily solved by that new and brilliant thought of mine.
My parents told me I should just give it time. I should not give up because during the course of your life, there will always be situations which offer an opportunity to meet others. I wasn’t really faithful in that.
That’s when I started to stumble back into life, trying to form a character and engage in activities I enjoy…
I started sports and met someone there. Today we are very close friends.
To this day I’m still friends with my school best friend. Our relationship had its highs and lows; we grew a lot, individually and together. Nowadays, there is nothing that can tear us apart. They played a big part in my development as they never left my side. I was blind to their efforts at first, but nowadays I am grateful to know they’re by my side.
I started working, a mini job. I saw many new faces, got along with most, and close to some people there.
I then decided to work abroad for some months. This was an experience I can definitely recommend. Being alone in a different country was scary at first, but it forces you to get out of your comfort zone. And, the others working abroad are just as alone as you are. I met many different and inspiring people from various places around the world. I don’t have contact to them anymore, very, very rarely.
I lost another important friend from my school after working abroad.
Back home, I started studying. I met new people every day and found a wonderful group of friends very fast. This was again a place filled with people in search of company. I felt alone at first, until realising that everyone else was just as new as I was.
I quitted the mini job I started. I’m rarely in touch with most of my old colleagues, even the ones I used to be close with. But, one of the ones who quit months before I did is one of my best friends today.
My friend from training had to stop for some months. I was scared to attend training alone at first. After fighting my fear, I realised that there was nothing to be afraid of. I know everyone in my group and found many new friends. I’m meeting one of them next week.
I’m not socially awkward. I’m not meant to be alone. I’m not weird in groups, just weird.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but my parents were right. I followed my path, went out, and started taking part in life, because, even if friendships can form naturally, you need to go out and actually put yourself in a position to meet new people.
So, let’s summarise: What is all of that supposed to mean?
No one is meant to be alone. There are fitting people for every one of us.
People come and go, opportunities arise and disappear, relationships grow and fall apart. Friendships are dynamic, just as we are.
You deserve love; you deserve to be loved. Don’t tell yourself otherwise.
Just because I’m not in contact with the people from my working abroad experience does not mean I didn’t learn a lot which helps me nowadays.
Relationships are often formed by circumstances, and the right ones will hold up through difficult times. Develop a mindset which allows you to remember important relationships you’ve lost as part of your experience, a period of joy and learning, a chapter of your life. Focus on what they taught you and use that knowledge when moving on.
Sometimes you have to force yourself to realise that the things you fear aren’t as scary as they seem at first. Overcome what holds you back and allow yourself to fail.
Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Acknowledge that you won’t always get along with everyone, and that’s okay. We’re all different. To start, read the posts about confidence >>here<< and pride >>here<<.
Be approachable, or, approach yourself. Allow others to interact with you or simply make the first move. If you truly put in the effort, being the one to start a conversation will get easier over time, I promise.
Start engaging in a hobby or pursuing your interests. Through that, you’ll automatically meet people with similar interests to yours, which can help to start a conversation, especially in the beginning.
Ultimately, you need to take action towards meeting and getting to know others if you want to make new friends. You can’t expect people to just appear out of nowhere and ask you to be their friend – if we’re being honest, that would be kind of scary as well.
I have a close circle of wonderful friends I value, friends which support me and help me if I’m down.
So, this is the moment you’ll need to decide for yourself, whether you really want to change something or not, because this path can be a rocky one.
I wish you the best of luck, and I believe in you.
Wonderful holidays and good luck!