Who am I?
A simple yet profound question, which has shown to beat even the brightest minds. A big question, asked by many people around the world, regardless of their gender, age, status, ethnicity, or experience. A question, important for each and every one during their lifetime. The question defining us.
Am I who I’m destined to be, or am I who I decide to be?
Can I define myself?
Can I change and still be myself, or is one of the resulting versions not authentic, not me?
Do I need to know who I am? Do I need to answer that question? Is that important?
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Maybe this is a good time to stop and think about these questions yourself for a moment. After all, I believe there is no right or wrong answers to these, which means we need to find answers for ourselves.
Now that you’ve taken some time for yourself, let me share my thoughts with you.
Over the course of my life, I’ve thought a lot about this question. Finding myself feeling lost and absent, I started to question who I am. To this day, I wouldn’t say I’ve found a single answer to that question; and I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t.
I believe that we are able to decide who we want to be every day. To me, each day is a new opportunity to learn more about myself and the direction I wish my life to move in. I don’t believe in a single, static answer to the question of who I am; this would imply an end in my opinion, and that is not something I see in my personal development.
As you’ve probably acknowledged if you’ve read some of my earlier posts, I believe self-improvement and self-development to be an ongoing and never-ending journey; so how could I define myself without any further change?
I don’t think we are destined to be a certain way. We are born with skills and talents that provide a certain direction and lead us to form some parts of our character around them, but our natural gifts are not everything there is to us.
What do I love? What interests me? How do I treat others and react in different situations? All of these active choices we make — these are what I like to define myself with.
I do believe in change, and I don’t believe that either one’s “old” or “new” version is fake. One could argue that fundamental changes in beliefs can’t originate from one and the same authentic self, that there had to be a profound change. But I perceive life as a journey in which each step brings us closer to our true, authentic self. But I think this is a question with very good arguments for both sides.
As I used to struggle with finding an answer, being close to giving up, another thought crossed my mind: ‘Is that important?’. This question perfectly ties together with my very first answer: We can decide who we are every day.
Of course, searching for direction and trying to get to know oneself are important; but stressing out every day whilst trying to find a definite answer to the question of who I am — even though experiences, new relationships, and opportunities will inevitably lead to change — that is not important.
This also connects to last week’s post. Read it >>here<< if you’re interested. Negative self-definitions stop further development as they imply a negative tomorrow.
One might argue that this leads to a weak character. Defining yourself every day, meaning no core values, just situational reactions without any sense of structure or belief. I strongly disagree.
Being able to decide every day does not mean one has to choose something new to believe in every day as well; this simply allows for change and adaptation if one is confronted with new situations, values, arguments, or experiences that lead to a need for alteration.
I like to go by the question of: ‘How do I want to be remembered?’ or ‘What would I perceive as inspiring or right in this situation?’ when figuring out my next steps.
It’s often easier to think of looking at someone else when trying to understand what you wish for. We put others on pedestals while talking ourselves down, already believing we are not capable of being the person we would admire. This is not true. You can be whoever you want to be as long as you’re dedicated and don’t give up!
What kind of person do you want to be?
The Process:
The process towards being authentic will be long, hard, confusing, draining, exhausting, messy, nonlinear, and so on. But above all that, it is truly beautiful.During this process, you’ll be confronted with the unappealing aspects of yourself, the ones you’re trying to hide. You’ll fail. You might even feel like you’re losing yourself instead of becoming more authentic. Many will feel discouraged and give up, but still, there is a unique kind of beauty arising through all of that.
Being authentic includes acknowledging, accepting, and even loving every aspect of yourself. This will foster a deep connection to yourself, profound abilities in reflection, and increased empathy towards others. Pride and confidence, direction and stability. Without weaknesses, we wouldn’t be able to define personal strengths.
Learning and failing are both undeniable evidence of movement, development. Try to find a more positive approach towards seemingly negative aspects of your journey to keep you motivated, on track, and focused on being authentic, focused on forming the identity of your dreams.
During your process, try out new things! These don’t always need to have a practical purpose or a specific goal. For example, I am currently learning how to play the guitar. Why, you may ask. Well, I think it’s cool, and I want to be able to just grab a guitar and play something, maybe even a simple song. I’m simply interested — that’s the only reason I need.